Do you ever feel overwhelmed "being the parent" and would it be so sweet for someone to understand, on a cellular level, exactly what your on-going experience is? Does your window of tolerance shrink? Does it get stretched so far you feel you will either burst in frustration or faint from despair? That's where I repeatedly found myself in relationship with my son when his nervous system would get so heightened, and the energy got really big. My nervous system would alert me that my cup was near empty and I was in dire need of some empathy!
While being heard and seen by others with care and resonant empathy was so immensely calming, sometimes we must find ways to give ourselves some compassion when we are all alone.
One time I recognized, in the heat of the moment, a part of me believed the pain of disconnection would last forever. Nothing would ever change, no one would ever want to hang out with us, we were too much, we were too different, it was just too hard for others to be...
Do you like to play? I do, I love getting to play with kids especially. I want to check in as a parent, does your child have a lot of playdates? Do you get to hang out consistently with other moms or dads? Or do you have fewer opportunities for social time? Or maybe, not even any? What's it been like for you as a parent? Especially now, because a lot of things have changed.
I know when Rylan was younger social interactions really stretched him. They stretched his window of tolerance, yet at the same time he longed for companionship and fun. To have time with others. Where we lived previously was in a rural district out in the middle of 3,000 acres of wheat fields. So, playdates and get-togethers with friends and family were definitely planned in advance.
One time a close friend and I arranged to get-together to have coffee while her two young sons, who were eight and five years old at the time, played with Rylan for a few hours. That was a little bit of heaven back then.
I personally love the holiday season, all the different varieties of them. What I really enjoy is “window shopping" to see what will inspire me to think of a loved one while browsing about. However, there is one year I remember when my husband was working out of town and Rylan was much smaller. I would think about going shopping and it would just feel overwhelming. Just to get out of the house and go out in public, let alone doing any actual shopping. Especially during holidays, I’m wondering if you have noticed, just how much commercialism is out there. There is so much less relaxation and ease, and I feel so much more stress and pressure from the environment. My system thinks it’s just a little bit too much.
There are so many more items on display, and they just seem to tempt you to impulsively pick them up - and they beg to be purchased. Especially for kids, the visuals, smells, and sounds can be overwhelming the sensory circuits to navigate, so they get...
I was looking back over my journals and ran across the first article that I wrote regarding parenting. I remember at the time it took a lot of courage because I had what I called “writers block” and was petrified at putting my own self out there in the world. I was afraid of what others might think, say, or do, in response to me. It’s taken a lot of empathy sessions to lay down new pathways within myself to get to the point where I was willing to do that back in 2010. So, a few years have gone by and lots and lots of empathy sessions for Gloria, for which I am eternally grateful.
I want to come back around though, I have six beautiful grandchildren that I just love so much, and they always have me coming back around to what it’s like to be in relationships of trust. How to grow relationships of trust, and how important it is to be as present as possible with our children, with any children, or with one another.
So, let me share with you some of the...
I’ve spent time with several people lately that have been really struggling with deep sadness and grief. This sadness can feel so profound that the heart contracts and it feels very similar to a heart attack. Your heart can feel heavy with grief.
Have you ever felt your heart contract with pain, to where it feels difficult to breathe as well? Panic attacks are actually an activation of the PANIC/GRIEF/ABANDONMENT circuitry. When these attacks happen, it seems as if the very ground beneath your feet falls away. You can feel lost. Your SEEKING circuit dissipates, and you have no way to even begin to make movement in your world.
As we begin to allow ourselves to be held by others, and not be alone in our grief, we can have the courage to name our experience. We can receive some acknowledgement around what it’s like to be us in those moments. Such as, “Would it be sweet if someone understood just how difficult this is?”
Notice what happens in your body as you...
The other day, when I woke up, I felt something was stirring within me. I had had a little bit of a restless sleep with fragments of memories from when I was younger. So, I reached out to my empathy buddy, and I asked for some support, some resonant support of my inner experience.
It is such a pleasure to have a place where you can share your inner experience and to be met right there. To have trust and companionship to discover you really do make sense after all.
As I received the support, what I was able to tune into was a very, very young part of myself. There was a sacred vow, something like, “I, Gloria Mae, solemnly swear to my Essential Self, that I will be utterly committed to being less than. Believing that I’m not enough so that this other person in my life that I was close to, would have peace and security in a world that made them feel insane.”
I really tuned in to that this vow was made out of love for this other being. That is a really important piece...
I want to talk with you today about aging. Aging is something we do from the moment we come into this world. When we are really little we just can’t wait until we are older. There are so many things that we are looking forward to and time seems to stand still when you are young.
I remember as a kid, when I got 30-minutes to go play, it felt like forever! Well, these days, 30-minutes seems to go by pretty darned quick.
There are other things that come along with aging, as you get in the older years of aging that is. Maybe you start to notice you have more body aches and pains. I know I have, riding a horse isn’t as easy as it used to be, but it is still really fun.
Maybe you have less energy and find you need to have your siestas mapped out for yourself. Or, maybe you are noticing you have more wrinkles, or grey hairs, or maybe you dye it.
There can be so many different things that change in our lifetime. You know, what is possible, when we are...
One of my favorite things to do is to go out in the paddock and be with my healing herd of horses. I really love having the opportunity to support others and facilitate their experience with the herd. There was a particularly touching experience recently.
Someone was really caught up with all the stories that spin around, and around, and around in their mind. This person would get worried that the stories would just take over, because when we have certain stories, we can start believing those stories are true. Even when they are not.
Having a way to check in to the body’s wisdom, which supports us to come into what is true for us, is really helpful. It’s even more helpful when we are able to do this in the presence of a horse.
Horses have such big hearts and such big guts and resonance; they are sentient beings who are acoustical. They are able to tune in to what is happening in the human and reflect that back, communicating in such a way that the human...
There have been times when I’ve felt such deep sadness and pain that I would turn to others and take it out on them. I would flip my lid, get angry, have a fit and get really irritable. When I’m able to slow it down, I tap into what is really happening inside.
This happened the other day with a client. This client was feeling such distress because they had just flipped their lid with their partner. When we took the time to slow down the experience within, they recognized this memory from when they were six or seven years old.
They had an experience of being forsaken by their parent. We took time to really be with those sensation and notice the sense of hypervigilance that had arisen within them. The memory unfolded a little more and they realized that when they were seven their mother had another baby. When they brought the baby home, the seven-year-old was moved out of their bedroom and they had the experience that their mom just wasn’t the same.
With the way things have been going in our world, I’ve heard quite a few people talking about how long they have been alone. How long they have been in a sense of isolation and not having the liberty to engage with others as they used to be accustomed to.
Their life has really changed, and some people feel scared. They are noticing that the longer they are alone, the more sensitive they feel when they do get to venture out. They have a high-tuned alert sensing into other people, worrying about social distancing, worrying about who is wearing a mask and who isn’t wearing a mask.
They are worried about their own health and well-being, as well as the health and well-being of those they love. So, they might over-think things which creates a worrying cycle that creates more anxiety and stress, which creates more cortisol flooding their system. This is going to wear them out by creating a sense of exhaustion from the inside out. They have this hypervigilance for...