Do You Imply Wrongness or Shame & Blame Yourself or Others?

Mar 05, 2021
I was thinking about what was the lesson that life has taught me today. The lesson I’ve learned is the importance to have relationships that are built on solid, consistent, and clear communication. That is really important, because, ruptures are inevitable in all relationships.
 
I used to think a rupture was like the end of the world when I was young. And, it felt like the end of the world, because I would feel so sad to have this big rupture between me and this other person I cared about. What I’m so grateful to have learned is that when you build consistently clear communication in your relationships with others, then you can stay engaged in the conversation, especially when there are ruptures.
 
Just because there is a misunderstanding, or a different point of view, we don’t need to make one another wrong. And, we don’t need to make ourselves wrong either. When we can recognize that there is a difference between us, we can invite...
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What Happens After Healing?

Feb 26, 2021
Have you ever wondered what happens after healing? I used to wonder that. When I felt really stuck in my life experiences, I read a lot of books. There are a lot of books out there about healing, about self-care and improvement. I have a lot of books on that subject. There are a lot of books around how to be a self-healer too, and how to heal your own trauma.
 
I’ve done a lot of soul searching and I’ve tried a lot of different programs; read lots of different books, listened to recordings, attended webinars and many of these things helped, but didn’t last in my life. There is always more healing to do. I became very attached to the illusion that if I could just dissolve the illusion, then I could heal. So, the problem was I felt like I was not fully healed, and I felt really stuck.
 
Part of the process of my own self-discovery was feeling rather alienated from others and alone in my experience. I would wonder, “Am I always going to be...
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What Do You Say You Will Never Do Again?

Feb 19, 2021
Do you notice the patterns of your life? The patterns that drive your experiences. Your motivation, your inspiration. What do you do unconsciously? We all have different patterns that we have developed unconsciously. Those unconscious patterns are what drive our behavior. What’s really cool is when you’ve slowed down in your inner world, to notice what patterns you are having, to be curious about them and see whether they are serving your life or not. Unless we can notice the pattern; it will never change, instead, it will get more deeply embedded.
 
Some of us, when we were little, we experienced being shamed when we spoke up. Maybe by a teacher, a parent, or other kids. When that shame experience happened, it was so painful a part of us may have made an unconscious contract of, “I will never speak up again.” Then we may have the experience of having something we want to say but we automatically don’t speak up. It’s just what we do.
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Conversations Around Racial Tension

Feb 12, 2021
I’m enjoying the sunshine coming out again in my neighborhood. I’m also enjoying having conversations with other people. Some of the people I’ve had conversations with have been really uncomfortable, and they’ve been uncomfortable because the conversations being had right now are about racism. What is racism, are you an anti-racist and what does that mean and what is held in it? This is something that hasn’t been looked at very closely in many conversations.
 
One of the things that I’m really passionate about is slowing down any conversation to get to the heart of it. To have compassionate understanding whether I agree with the other person or not. Or, whether they agree with me or not. To have a heart connection where there is an exploration and discovery experience collaboratively that is possible. Not everyone is comfortable having a conversation like that, however.
 
There are some people who are quite biased in their...
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The Pain of Neglect

Feb 05, 2021
Today I spent some time with a person who has suffered incredible neglect throughout their entire life. They have been on a long journey of healing; reclaiming their sense of self. One of the things they shared is that is was like riding a jaggedy roller coaster. Have you ever ridden one of those? They can jar you to your bones. You can get off and never be the same again.
 
It’s been really confusing for this person to even know who they are or even where they are, or how they have gotten as far as they have in their life. So, just taking it slow, being very relational, taking time to be with whatever experience unfolds for them is really important. Acknowledging what it’s like when you’ve had so many years where you felt slammed, boxed up, or sometimes it feels like being in a vice grip it’s so intense. I’ve heard some say that it’s a mindless and terrible place to be of this yo-yoing; here I am and now here I’m gone.
 
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Afraid of What Others Might Think

Jan 29, 2021
Recently I’ve been working with some people who have expressed that they have a real fear around what others might be thinking about them, or how they are perceived by others when in a group setting. It’s nerve wracking for them.
 
Some of them feel scared to speak up, and they do everything they can to sense what the other people might want them to say. Or, they try to figure out what they are supposed to say or how they are supposed to be. They are trying desperately to fit in, and it’s uncomfortable.
 
Some of them are afraid that they are going to get it wrong, or if they do say something it’s going to make everything worse. There is an inner bias that has a propensity toward negativity, without conscious awareness. A sense of lacking, or not mattering enough, of feeling unworthy.
 
Ultimately what can happen is they completely shut down. The experience blows their circuitry. They go blank inside, or they can stop feeling....
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Do You Have A Map For Difficult Dialogues?

Jan 22, 2021
Have you ever experienced communication gaps with others you’ve reached out to? You reach out with warmth, curiosity, and interest, trusting you are going to be met right there in mutuality, yet, what you get back is rather shocking.
 
What you get back is a harsh tone of voice, judgments, being told what to do and how to be. I had this experience recently and took time to be with it because my reaction got my attention. I shut down inside. I was shocked. My eyes widened, my face got tight and warm, my stomach clenched, and I noticed my breathing was shallow, and nearly stopped.
 
I recognized I was feeling shame and running the messages that I was less than. I was beginning to doubt and question myself around things that I actually feel very strongly about. Which is about staying in relationship. What I want to recognize is, that in the moment, how important it is to slow down and self-connect.
 
So, let me tell you a story. One of the first...
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Are You Picking Up On The Intensity Running Through The Collective?

Jan 15, 2021
I’m wondering if your body has been picking up on all the intensity that is running through our collective society now? That’s running through the collective culture of our world!
 
Does your system feel some exhaustion? Does it get tired? Maybe there’s irritation and frustration that comes up because what’s happening isn’t working for the human beings in our world.
 
Or maybe you get scared, really scared around the lack of compassion between human beings. People forgetting that we all belong to the same human race, and there is a lot of division that is being leveraged in our world right now.
 
What’s it like for you when you get really tired? Or you get frustrated? Or you get scared? What happens in your system? I want to acknowledge that for many of us, who have experienced trauma in our past, those intense energies can trigger a cascade of automatic reactions within us. These reactions are not intentional at all,...
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Time With The Deepest Darkest Shadow

Jan 08, 2021
During this time in our world, there’s been a lot of opportunities to be in Solitude. Seeing it as being in solitude rather than in ‘lock-down’ – there’s a difference for me – even in the energetic quality of those words.
 
When I take time to be in solitude, I’m taking time to matter to myself, to be reflective of my life, and to be in choice in how I engage with myself, with others, and in our world. During this time, I’ve had opportunity to dig a little deeper into what makes me tick.
 
We can start to notice patterns of behavior, patterns of thought, and patterns of our knee-jerk reactions. So, I’ve had the opportunity to do quite a bit of that exploration, and for that I’m grateful. Because, as I continue this journey in life, I want to show up fully. I want to have the freedom to express who I am, regardless of the environment I find myself in.
 
So, I notice what quality was keeping me...
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Getting Comfortable with Pregnant Pauses

Jan 01, 2021
Have you ever gotten annoyed, irritated, or even indignant, when you are having a conversation with someone and they interrupt you and start to question what you are saying? It feels like they are questioning your judgment, and that they are not trusting you.
 
Maybe you feel a little worried, and you notice a pattern that starts to run inside of you where you start to tell yourself, “I’ve done so much to prove my trust! They should know who I am and recognize my intention.” Yet, you feel defensive and inadequate at the same time. Maybe you tell yourself, “I’m just a disappointment.”
 
The thing is, when we get indignant and start to defend ourselves, we are using the fuel of anger in a way that is self-sabotaging. When we take the time to be in our experience, it’s possible to experience something different.
 
When somebody starts to question your judgment, it’s possible to respond with, “Wow, I feel...
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