I was watching some of these videos that I’ve made, and I caught myself pausing… just like that. Only when I saw it, I wasn’t very nice to myself. I felt some embarrassment, and I realized underneath that embarrassment there was a fear of being judged by my viewers. So, I unpacked that a little bit more and recognized how I sabotage myself, I was judging myself thinking I look dumb, or that I was dumb.
As I slowed down to be with that part of me, that really did believe I was dumb, I was the youngest of 4 kids and to my older siblings I seemed pretty simple. That’s pretty normal for kids. When I could hear that voice was still coming around inside, pretty subtly, I could be grateful that I could notice it. That I could actually hear it and hear what the need is underneath that. The need for self-acceptance.
When I am able to accept myself with grace and give myself the freedom to show up how I show up. It means I let myself pause when I pause, because that’s part of being who I am. It brings me full circle to why I even am making these videos.
I’m making these videos because I want to create more resources in our world. I want to be able to reach the people that resonate with my way of being to grow community. Community of support and trust and resilience. To create a place where how ever you show up you are welcome, and you matter. To create places where we can pause when we need to pause. We get to show up authentically, transparently, we get to be real. We get to be who we are, who we were created to be. We get to let go of all of the shadows of who we are not.
This journey for me a large part of it has been the journey home to myself. To know myself. To appreciate myself. To value myself, and to have the freedom to be myself.
So, I went back in my mind to the video and I watched it again. This time I had eyes that were filled with acceptance and grace. As I watched the video I had made, I noticed that I paused. I tuned in with grace and acknowledged the depth of meaning making that was happening for me in that moment as I was transparently and honestly expressing from my heart.
My heart then expands with warmth and acceptance. I’m so grateful that I am free to be myself. When we need acceptance, we need it to begin within our-self, and then that acceptance grows.
So where in your life are you needing acceptance? What might it look like for you to slow down and recognize yourself with grace?