Have you ever felt really inspired by an idea or felt called to speak up about something in community, or in the world? Just when you are about ready to speak up or step out, fear or doubt comes in and starts to have this conversation in the background of your mind.
It might sound something like, “What if someone gets upset by what I say?” or it could be, “What if somebody comes right out and disagrees with me? That would be really uncomfortable.”
Or maybe it’s a pattern you have in your life, you’ve just always looked outside of yourself for the answers, so you need permission to speak up. Permission from outside of you.
This is a familiar path that I’ve taken, more than once in my life. At different stages and different ages, it shows up slightly differently. Yet, the pattern really is not really knowing your own truth. Not really having the conviction deep inside that gives you solid ground to stand on. Regardless of what somebody else may think, or do, or say.
What inspires that kind of conviction inside of you? When I first started to get some solid ground for myself, with conviction, through my children. As they were growing up and they were developing and evolving into who they were going to be in this world, I was proud of them. I love them, and I want to empower them and be the wind beneath their wings.
When they were getting older and started to run into some conflicts, having stretching and growing pains, I discovered that I had a different kind of metal inside of me. It’s from my heart, I was a momma bear. I would be right there for them as an advocate for them.
At one point in my life I thought, “Well, wait a minute. What do I want to model for my children about myself? Am I willing to speak up? Am I willing to have a voice that might be different from anyone else’s voice and let that be okay? Can I speak with passion, purpose, courage and tenacity? Can I do this consistently?
Yes, I can, I am doing this thing. I am living my life on purpose and I’m following the light from inside, because that’s what I’ve discovered in my life’s journey. That is where my answers lie, it’s not outside of me, it’s not getting permission from any other human being. It’s from knowing in my heart and soul why I’m here and what I’m about. It’s about being empowered by spirit for me. If somebody comes along and they don’t agree with me, which you know has happened more than once, then I can stay engaged in a conversation. I can stay curious and interested. I don’t need to make myself wrong and I don’t need to make someone else wrong just because we don’t see eye to eye. I can appreciate our differences.
What I did, on this journey, was I took the time to unpack the question, “Why don’t I stand up for me? Why doesn’t someone have my back for that?” I did some inner-child work, I got some really deep support to time-travel back and recognize my younger self. The part of me that was never accompanied in that way. When I wasn’t accompanied in that way, I didn’t know how to do that for myself.
So, going back and taking the time to allow the process to inform me, to find this lost part, to allow my soul to experience a retrieval. It’s really sacred work. The, taking the time for self-care, to nurture this new aspect of myself, so I’m able to grow fully and completely and confidently. Just like my kids get to! I think I’ll be growing for the rest of my life. I’m quite confident of that, and I’m looking forward to this journey.