Getting Comfortable with Pregnant Pauses
Jan 01, 2021
Have you ever gotten annoyed, irritated, or even indignant, when you are having a conversation with someone and they interrupt you and start to question what you are saying? It feels like they are questioning your judgment, and that they are not trusting you.
Maybe you feel a little worried, and you notice a pattern that starts to run inside of you where you start to tell yourself, “I’ve done so much to prove my trust! They should know who I am and recognize my intention.” Yet, you feel defensive and inadequate at the same time. Maybe you tell yourself, “I’m just a disappointment.”
The thing is, when we get indignant and start to defend ourselves, we are using the fuel of anger in a way that is self-sabotaging. When we take the time to be in our experience, it’s possible to experience something different.
When somebody starts to question your judgment, it’s possible to respond with, “Wow, I feel a little surprise!” You recognize this person doesn’t really get you. They don’t have understanding. With that surprise you can have curiosity and interest. You can even become fascinated with this individual that is speaking to you the way they are. Because it feels incongruent, you can recognize that. You can recognize projections as they are coming toward you in the moment and know it’s not about you at all.
Because your mind set is, “I know me, and I’m grounded in my own values, and I speak up rather than staying quiet, or becoming quiet. You can stay engaged and lean into the conversation, because curiosity supports that to happen.
The key here, and the skill set to practice, is noticing when that projection is coming your way, or when it feels incongruent (what’s being said doesn’t match with what is really true inside of you) push a ‘pause’ button. Develop your capacity to slow it all down inside of yourself, and become comfortable in those pregnant pauses, and stay interested as well.
The second step is to tap into your inner modalities; notice what you are telling yourself, notice your breathing and any sensations with how you feel. Start to connect the dots from the inside out. That will provide the clarity that you need as you tap into your Roots of Connection with Life.
As we make this self-connection, we can recognize this is the first need; to stay in relationship with ourselves. When we can stay in relationship with ourselves, then we can love ourselves and remember who we are. That, right there, is what empowers us. It empowers our voice to be open and strong with conviction about how we feel and how we believe and what’s important to us, and, no one has to agree with us. And, we don’t have to agree with others, and we can still stay in conversation and be relational. There is enough room for all of us to have a voice.
So, take the time today, if you are willing, to notice when something starts to come up that feels incongruent, or out of balance, and push the ‘pause’ button. Take time to connect deep inside with your own heart and soul. Notice what that’s like as you ground in your Roots of Connection.