The other day, when I woke up, I felt something was stirring within me. I had had a little bit of a restless sleep with fragments of memories from when I was younger. So, I reached out to my empathy buddy, and I asked for some support, some resonant support of my inner experience.
It is such a pleasure to have a place where you can share your inner experience and to be met right there. To have trust and companionship to discover you really do make sense after all.
As I received the support, what I was able to tune into was a very, very young part of myself. There was a sacred vow, something like, “I, Gloria Mae, solemnly swear to my Essential Self, that I will be utterly committed to being less than. Believing that I’m not enough so that this other person in my life that I was close to, would have peace and security in a world that made them feel insane.”
I really tuned in to that this vow was made out of love for this other being. That is a really important piece to catch. I was utterly committed to that I idea that I am less than, in order for this other person to have peace and security in a world that made them insane. No matter the cost to myself or those I love.
I took time to allow that energy to move through my system, through my body. Then I shifted my body to step into my True Essence, my Essential Self, and no, I didn’t like that vow. It really makes a lot of sense and I can see how in my experience it was driving my behavior. Especially in certain situations where I would shrink back, or I would feel shame, or I would feel less than.
Sometimes these experiences can be so subtle, and yet so profound. So, I told my younger self, “I release you from this contract and I revoke this vow. I give you my blessing to have eyes to see differences in people, with pleasure.”
Because the young one, when she would see a difference, there would be a shrinking back and feeling of less than. But now, to have the blessing to see differences with eyes of pleasure, and to celebrate the differences that I see.
Also, a blessing to enjoy challenges, rather than being scared of them. And, the blessing to completely relinquish the idea that I am less than. Instead, to embody the blessing of experiencing courage and confidence in my life and taking time with where I am at in the moment.
To have the support to move through this type of a process is invaluable. We are born for relationships with others, we are not intended to do everything by ourselves.
If you are in need of some accompaniment, I invite you to reach out to me today.