I’ve been thinking about what it’s like when one feels mistrustful. This can show up in different ways perhaps; maybe you’re feeling mistrustful of a situation and there are components of that situation that stand out to you. It just doesn't feel safe, or it feels out of balance.
Maybe the mistrust is in relationship with another person, there’s something that’s been said, or an action taken that doesn’t contribute to your needs for consideration or respect.
Mistrust can show up in a lot of different ways. Maybe it shows up because you feel that there is not enough of something so you feel mistrustful whether you’ll have enough for yourself and worried that someone else is going to take more.
Most likely, these scenarios that play out reflections for us of our own inner experiences we had when we were younger. Revealing for us some inner patterns that need acknowledgement of what our experiences were like. We need understanding with compassion around that.
I was working with someone the other day and they had a sense of resistance that came up that sounded something like, “I will not do this. I will not go there. I will not participate. I won’t.”
As we took time to be with the resistance coming up and start to tease apart the threads underlying it, of what their felt experience was. There was a fear that by participating this person would make everything worse.
In their perception things were bad, and they didn’t want it to get worse. So, there was a pulling away and a removal of self, moving into a sense of isolation. Rather than reaching for relationship there was a hiding from relationship.
Taking time with this other being, gently and slowly inviting their attention to come inward, and to notice what’s happening in their body. Their throat felt heavy and tight with constriction. Acknowledging a fear of being left out, and yet because of that fear they were isolating themselves.
This revealed there was another layer underlying that. When they were younger, they had made a contract, they’d made a sacred vow. Slowing down to be with that experience and to hear the vow, “I’m going to do all or nothing. I won’t reach out for any connection. When I’m needing closeness, I will run away. I will feel very mistrustful of my environment in order to not feel the pain of being left out and not having enough time to connect. No matter the cost to myself or those I love.
And then just resting with that, noticing the body, how it feels and how it settles. Then shifting and asking if their Essential Self is available, and did they hear the vow their younger self made to them?
They heard it. It makes sense why this little one would withdraw in order to not feel the pain. But it’s not serving life any more. Their Essential Self said, “I release you from this vow, and I revoke this contract, and I bestow upon you my blessing in its place.”
“I bless you with the joy of sharing, even with humans. I bless you with a sense of ease with vulnerability and honesty, and the courage to continue to show up in your life, with trust.
As they sat with this experience there’s a softening that happens; with the face, with the body, a relaxation response. In this process where we can start to rest and digest, we can begin to integrate parts of our life experience that had never been accompanied before.
This thickens the pathways for social connection. It’s not a quick fix, but it’s very effective, very healing, and very possible.