I’ve been reflecting back on this last week working with several different clients, and I noticed that there was a theme, or a recurring experience that these clients were having. On one hand it was really exciting, and on the other hand there was the pain that comes with it. What’s exciting is that on this healing journey, you can notice that you no longer hide in unconsciousness because you’ve awakened. You have discovered parts of yourself that you didn’t know you would. Once you’ve awakened, there is no going back, because you are awake!
So, what’s the problem with that? Maybe you don’t have a language for this new experience or know how to show up in this new world in this new way. When you reach out for connection with others, you might make yourself wrong and tell yourself, “I’m just not listening good enough.” I’m not a good listener. You do the best you can, yet you feel disjointed when we are making those connections because it’s new. It can feel awkward and we don’t know for sure what we are supposed to say, and we’re not sure how to show up in the relationship. Because it is all new to us. Then we get scared there’s no place to belonging, there’s no place that we fit in. So, we rest with this really deep chasm of sadness for all the aloneness you have lived your entire life.
Yet, we have woke up, and we can see that there are all kinds of possibilities for relationships, and we don’t know how to bridge that gap of communication.
The exciting thing is, is that it is possible! You’ve really done your best to live with an open heart, and an open mind, and to come into congruence with your own values. You are in a new place now, and yes, there are some perceived problems and there is pain that goes with it. But that doesn’t limit the limitless possibilities of potential that you hold within you, within your spirit.
I’m here to acknowledge that it’s completely possible, and it’s safe to experiment in your life, in real time, uncovering the path for heart connection with others. As you are willing to show up authentically, with trust that you’ve made it where you are today, so the next step of this path you will see in the moment when you need to see it.
In order to make those heart connections with others, we first need to have that heart connection here within us. When we begin to practice this way of being in life, then we hold ourselves with compassionate understanding, while we are reaching out to engage with others, and we transparently reflect what we are hearing, checking in with other people as we continue to check in with ourselves. The power of transparency is that it allows you to relax, it lets your body relax, because you are honestly speaking your truth in the moment.
As we continue to practice this way of being, holding ourselves with compassion, we recognize that our sense of belonging actually resides within us, in our heart. Then as we take time, and we reflect on our journey, we allow our past to inform our present-day experience which inspires you to be the change you wish to see in the world and make a difference in the lives of others. Especially those we resonate with, and we recognize their felt-sense experience, if they came from this place of feeling so alone in the world. We can have compassion.
One of the things that I’ve noticed with my clients, and in my own life, is that I wouldn’t recognize the things I was doing that were really working well. Because the way our bodies system is created, we are always looking for what is wrong. Am I safe, do I matter? We have a negativity bias. When we can recognize that is for survival, we don’t need to make it wrong, we can slow it down and flip it around. We can start to notice what is working well. When you notice what is working well, take a moment to savor that, drop into your body and experience that at a cellular level. When we practice consistently noticing each instance you engaged with another person and celebrate that with gratitude, we begin to notice even more! Notice each time you deeply listened to another person and each time you are invited to engage by another person and drop into your heart with gratitude and allow your experience to deepen, to be absorbed in your cells and to expand your sense of self.
Each time we do this it’s so powerful to slow down in the moment and notice how the experience feels in your body. Take the time to abide in the experience and notice the sensations in your own being as you show up this way.
One of the things we need to learn when we are on this journey, sometimes we need to learn how to receive the good. Maybe we are not used to being around people, or we are not used to people noticing us or inviting us to do things or engage with us, or even listen to our heart. So, when someone want to listen, or asks to listen, or invites you, you might withdraw, it might not feel so comfortable. Our body need to learn how to unlearn that. We need to learn through repeated experiences of being relational and being in choice. We can take it slow, we don’t need to be in a hurry. But notice what it feels like to receive kindness from another person. Sometimes we need to practice receiving kindness from ourselves.