At the tender age of 14, I experienced abuse. In my early adult life, I experienced memories being triggered, stinging, painful memories I had not been aware of before. As a result, I found myself swirling in such incredible shame I just wanted to stay in bed and hide.
Fast forward several years and an amazing thing occurred. The horse of my youth came to me in a dream and reminded me that I wasn’t alone.
I felt hopeful receiving this message, and trusted that just as the horses had nurtured me when I was young; horses were calling me to trust them again to receive the energy to move forward in my life.
How do we begin to heal our inner wounds? How is it possible to begin to feel the pain of the past without falling into overwhelm? How do we hold onto hope? When our hurt was created interpersonally; our healing must be also. For that, we can receive the supportive gifts of presence and wisdom from other mammals – including...
This morning when I woke up, I was in a bit of a downward spiral that began last night. The last couple of months have been pretty full for me. I’ve been passionate about creating lots of online resources for free so that people have access to them. I’ve been collaborating with colleagues, reaching out to have partnership with others to provide services, and establishing myself on lots of different platforms and learning TONS. There have been a lot of new learning edges for me.
At the same time, I’m doing my best to maintain my own life’s rhythm. With myself, my husband, my children, grandchildren, my friends, my herd, it’s quite a full life!
Getting to the point where I launched my course it felt wonderful! As I pause and assess where I’m at and where I’m going, I began the process of mapping that out in order to communicate clearly, effectively, and honestly with others that I’m in relationship with. I want to have mutual...
In all new situations, our sensory organs immediately begin an observational process to determine whether it is safe, or if we need to get out QUICK!
Dr. Stephen Porges, a neuroscientist, has termed this process of perception and evaluation “neuroception.” He defines this process as “how neural circuits distinguish whether situations or people are safe, dangerous or life threatening”. This rapid response hardware and software integration takes place in the limbic system of our brain which works at a sub-conscious level.
One key element if we have experienced trauma, is the perception of threat can be real or has the "felt-sense" of being real to our body. Even when no threat exists in our environment.
When our nervous systems are designed to constantly seek safety from danger and threat, how do we manage to live harmoniously in a world full of new people and situations? How do we connect and establish relationships without freezing up or shutting down?
Have you ever had someone else give you a look that caused you to recoil with a shame reaction? Maybe the look implied that you’d done something wrong or that you hadn’t done something well enough. Maybe it brought up a fear inside of you around feeling hurt or rejected. Or it sparked a need to defend yourself and it was really uncomfortable. Yet, your voice just couldn’t be heard.
Maybe when this happened, you felt invisible or they obviously didn’t even know you. At the same time, even if they are having expectations of you, I’m wondering if you are needing some shared reality around what it’s like to receive projections from others. I’m guessing you may be needing your own intentions to be acknowledged and seen for what they truly are.
When someone gives us a look, especially if it is one of disgust, it’s going to cause that instantaneous response in our nervous system. Our neck and our shoulders will actually lose...
What is it that wakes you up in the morning that you are excited about and looking forward to experiencing in your life?
The flip of that is what knocks you off balance? What shifts your focus and you find you are no longer on track or feeling that sense of inspiration or resourcefulness.
Maybe you find that an old pattern comes up and life is more like a drudgery. It’s like, “Oh no, it’s a Monday again.” Maybe you notice that your health begins to deteriorate, and you have a lowered immune system and you catch the sniffles or a cough. Then you start hearing this negative chatter that circles around and around in your head and you start noticing everything that is off. It’s no fun and you get grumpy about it all. Then you get low energy, lethargic and a lack of motivation, and then it’s oh my gosh, how did I get here? Am I here again?!
Well, that’s been a repeating chapter in my life that I’m thankfully beginning to recognize sooner,...
Today I made a request of myself, that I make this video in order to turn something around from deep inside of my heart.
It was a rainy, dismal day, and I noticed that every time it is a rainy, dismal day, it would affect my perception of life. I would feel really drained and blah, lethargic, depleted and listless. Then I would start noticing when things were out of order, messy, or cluttered. Next, I noticed how messy my closet was and I felt like there was just so much to do!
Then, when I was working on making a recording, the processing was taking hours to complete. Everything was like this sticky, push-pull, really uncomfortable experience that I was not enjoying.
The predominate feelings that I took the time to unpack were; lethargic, under-whelm, lonely, weary, detached, withdrawn, and gloomy. It was like the weather was being a metaphor, a reflection of my inner implicit sea, of me.
The shadow beliefs that were running me was a very familiar one, where...
Do you ever worry about anything? I do. I woke up this morning really worried about a lot of things that I didn’t realize that I was worrying about. I don’t know for you, but I know for me I can catch the “what if’s” What if this happens, or what if that happens, or what if this DOESN’T happen? What if that other thing happens? That is a tangled web that can get complicated and murky.
Another thing that can happen with the worries for me is I can fear the worst. Learning all these new technologies that I’m doing, as I’m developing my sense of self in the world and wanting to reach more people and create more resources, what if I crash the whole program? That would be disastrous. What if my internet goes out when I’m in the middle of making a recording? Or what if my sound doesn’t work? What if the internet makes everything slow way down, and then speed up really fast? I’ve had that happen to me, and I...
Today I’ve been sitting with how it is to be with intense emotions. I’m wondering, are the certain emotions that you notice, that knock you off balance? Or they feel more intense, or difficult to stay present to than others?
It could be maybe when somebody get really angry, they get intense, and in your face. Do you lose your voice? Do you get angry back and get reactive? Maybe you get scared. Or maybe when somebody else gets scared it terrifies you! It’s more than you can stay present with at all.
There are others of us that we might have a really tough time is somebody is just so sad. If they are so sad and consumed with their grief it just feels heavy and impossible and sticky and messy and we just want to get out as quick as we can.
Then there are others that are SO HAPPY. They are EXZUBERIENT with their JOY, and it feels really uncomfortable. It could be any of these, or maybe it’s disgust that knocks you out of the ballpark. That’s a pretty tough...
Do you need permission to lead? Or were you just born naturally a leader? I am a leader, yet it would depend on the situation and the environment when I was younger, whether I would be willing to lead or not. Whether I would even believe whether I could lead or not. Because the experiences I had in life had conditioned me to believe that I needed permission to lead, and that permission had to come from somewhere outside of myself.
Because I am a highly sensitive person, I could tune into my environment, and I could sense whether it felt safe for me to step up in leadership or not. I was also very good at becoming a chameleon. When I tuned into others, I could sense what the needs were, I’d then drop my own needs to serve them, to contribute in their lives. I didn’t use that language at that time, I didn’t even realize that is what I was doing.
I could sense what others wanted me to be or do, because I wanted belonging, I needed inclusion and to know I...
Today I was remembering when I was a little kid. When I was a little kid, I wanted to be a big kid. Did you ever have that experience?
One day my mom took us all swimming, it was a big indoor pool, and I could see all the big kids down at the deep end, swimming all around and having so much fun. While I was just a little kid at the little end. I thought, “I want to be a big kid.”
I was quite creative and courageous. I started bouncing. Maybe you’ve tried something like this, where you bounce going down into the water to push off against the bottom with your feet to pop out of the water to get a big breath of air before you go down again! Each time I bounced I would move forward a little bit more. Down, up, and down, and up.
I was determined to find a way to get to that deep end to be with the big kids. What I ended up getting, was a lifeguard’s attention. That lifeguard watched me super close, they wanted to make sure that I was going to be...