Are There Implications That I’m Not Doing or Being Enough?

May 07, 2021

Have you ever blamed somebody for something? Or, have you been on the receiving end of being blamed for something? Blame is a funny thing; on the surface it’s a way of making yourself or others wrong, so it can be used as a weapon. If we can blame someone else, then maybe we won’t have to take responsibility for something. If we can blame ourselves, maybe we can at least come up with a reason why something is the way it is. It must be my fault. This is the way we have been conditioned in our world; to use blame in this way; to imply wrongness in ourselves and others or to criticize.  

I did a little exploration with this in a small group, and I tend to look into my life with my relationship with my spouse because I spend the most time with him, and we have a very strong relationship of trust. When I do these explorations, I share them with him, and I receive his blessing before I share them with the world. But they are really about me, and what is happening in my...

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Are You Influenced By Other People's Choices?

Apr 30, 2021
I’d like to share with you a life lesson that I have just recently learned. What it’s around is noticing your own inner pattern of wanting to do what others do. You may not even be consciously aware of it in the moment, but be so influenced by other people’s choices that are in close proximity to, or that you are spending time with.
 
Recently I’ve noticed this in relationship with my husband. I found it fascinating, yet I had a sense that inside there was a quality like it was secretive; that it was like I was being sneaky about when I would make a choice if he didn’t make a choice. I found that just fascinating!
 
So, what I did was reach out to my long-term empathy buddy, and I got a little support around that. We all need support in our lives, we all need accompaniment.
 
Stepping into a container of warmth, care, and resonance, I was able to name this experience and discover that there was no shame or judgement –...
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A Long String Gets In A Big Tangle...

Apr 23, 2021
Did you know that we are profoundly relational when we are tiny beings? It’s true. We are born being relational. When we have trauma that happens in our life, a good metaphor of that could be having a long string that gets in a big tangle. Have you ever tried to get a tangle out of string? Especially when it’s really fine string?
 
One of the clients I work with has uncovered the truth that when they were tiny, they didn’t have the opportunity for others to be relational with them. Yet, because we are born profoundly relational it can cause a big tangle in our string of life.
 
How that has shown up in this one’s life is to be close to a person and enjoying time with them, and then something in their environment triggers this trauma tangle inside, and it’s as if something takes over. Without conscious awareness there is this deep inner shift within, and a profound sense of lack, and a belief that they are just not enough, and they...
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Trauma Can Be Really Huge For Us

Apr 16, 2021
I want to acknowledge that trauma can be really huge for us. It’s connected to how we perceive our world as well as how we make meaning in our life. I had a session with a client earlier, and they shared how when they were getting off a call with someone, that they were in this state of feeling incapable of existing. It was as if there was a dark shroud surrounding them, enveloping them. They could sense something was awry and a deep sense of disappointment was within them, not feeling complete. Yet, at the same time there was an experience of feeling incapable of doing anything. Ever again. A sense that there was no going back to where they had been before. I’m imagining it was a kind of lostness.
 
So, slowing down and being able to hear the message that the trauma-self had received in this experience was I’m incapable. The importance of connection in that moment with me was to slow time down for them to actually feel felt in that moment. And, to...
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Change Can Be Uncomfortable

Apr 09, 2021

How do you deal with change? It can come in many different ways. Some of us, when change happens, especially if it’s unexpected, we get angry about it. Because, we don’t like change. We like things to stay on an even keel, we like the familiarity of things not changing at all. Some of us say that the older we get the harder change becomes because we are stuck in our ways. Well, that’s pretty true for a lot of us, because it gets uncomfortable. And, we don’t like to feel uncomfortable.

Others of us, we might get startled, feel really uneasy. Uncertainty can come up for us because it’s new territory to navigate and change means things are different. The need for predictability can come up. We get comfortable with familiarity. We think we already know things then; we don’t have to learn them all over again.

Maybe you get scared. It may come up in the form of feeling scared you won’t succeed, or that you’ll get it wrong. I know that people...

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Touched by the Horses Heart by Clare O'Sullivan

Apr 04, 2021

What path did a woman take (Gloria) that would lead to awakening the fire in her belly that said an emphatic yes to the arrival of these horses in her life, to trust the stirring voices and images in her essence, to work with them as a herd, to trust their powerful bodies and energies to be close to hers and to answer the hunger for peace in humans in partnership with them? I don’t know, but I am so grateful for all the ‘yeses’ that it took, and it inspires me to continue to listen to my own.

The gargantuan feat it must be to take care of them every day, create a loving home for them and to work respectfully with their magnificent spirits. To harvest their innate longing for harmony. Surely this offers healing into the ancestral line of abuse they have suffered through our species.  Surely this is two species working together for the good of all life.

This morning, (the day after my session) I am tearful as I remember their beautiful soft eyes so close to...

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What Drives Your Compulsions?

Mar 26, 2021
Do you ever get busy? Do you ever get so busy that you push on, even when you are exhausted and really tired? Maybe you want to be really organized and planning things out. Wanting to make sure you have a good diet, that you are exercising to be healthy, and you are taking note of the things that you want to do. As well as, the things you don’t want to do. So, you get really busy and there doesn’t seem to ever be enough time. Maybe you are afraid you are wasting time, because you value the time you have, so you do your best to get as much done as possible.
 
Then, there is a part of you that starts making “doing” wrong, because you also value being a very embodied presence, as “One” with the Universe. So, you start giving yourself a hard time and telling yourself that you are not doing things “good enough.” Or, giving yourself a bad time telling yourself that you don’t have enough willpower or strength. This can come...
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Fear of Being Attacked and Made Wron‪g‬

Mar 19, 2021
Have you ever taken a fall, gotten hurt, and needed to ask for help? I had a fall, pretty recently, I was on a hike, slipped and fell on some branches and got a puncture wound on my shin. I was laid up for awhile because it was a severe injury and I’m grateful I had the support that I needed. To be able to rest and receive support from people as I needed it.
 
A client I work with took a tumble when they were riding their bike. Through that experience they felt vulnerable, their injuries got infected and they needed to ask for help. Yet they found they were stuck in a fear that they would be attacked and made wrong. They believed there wasn’t any guidance that they could receive. This felt incongruent to them, so they reached out to me for help.
 
This is a different kind of help; to unpack what was causing that stuckness inside from this injury that they had and this infection, to have such a strong visceral reaction. They had some shadow beliefs...
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Resentment Is Ripe For Healing

Mar 12, 2021
Have you ever come home at the end of a long day, walk into your kitchen and see that it’s a mess? What’s that like for you?
 
I was working with a client the other day and this was an experience they had; walking into the kitchen and finding it a big mess. They experienced intense frustration and anger, their head felt like it was spinning and there was a clenching in their gut. The thoughts running through their mind were, “I just can’t believe that I have to do this again? Why do I have to be the one that always cleans everything up?” The outcome was a sense of resentment, a burning deep inside. They felt they had no support and were all alone.
 
Slowing it all down to uncover some of the shadow beliefs; “I am all alone. I can’t trust myself. Life is a struggle. I’m not important. I don’t matter.” They were feeling very powerless. Slowing down right there to receive some acknowledgment around what...
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Do You Imply Wrongness or Shame & Blame Yourself or Others?

Mar 05, 2021
I was thinking about what was the lesson that life has taught me today. The lesson I’ve learned is the importance to have relationships that are built on solid, consistent, and clear communication. That is really important, because, ruptures are inevitable in all relationships.
 
I used to think a rupture was like the end of the world when I was young. And, it felt like the end of the world, because I would feel so sad to have this big rupture between me and this other person I cared about. What I’m so grateful to have learned is that when you build consistently clear communication in your relationships with others, then you can stay engaged in the conversation, especially when there are ruptures.
 
Just because there is a misunderstanding, or a different point of view, we don’t need to make one another wrong. And, we don’t need to make ourselves wrong either. When we can recognize that there is a difference between us, we can invite...
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