Have you ever felt completely and utterly alone in the world? Where your experience is one that there was just a lack of tangible support available to you. For some of us our body contracts, our stomach can hurt, and there is a kind of collapse in our system. Then, our thoughts can become dark and it’s like slipping into a void.
I’ve had that happen to me before. It was not pleasant, nor was it comfortable. Yet, what I know is possible is to seek out accompaniment. So let me tell you a story.
I reached out to my empathy buddy to have a check in. We hadn’t checked in with one another in a while, and I described what it was like to be me. Then, I asked if they could offer me some resonate support.
One of the things that was guessed was, “Do you wish that an angel could come down from heaven right to where you are. Standing beside you, they would gently place a hand on your shoulder and acknowledge that “It’s...
How do you talk to yourself? Do you notice how you talk to yourself? How about especially when you’ve made a mistake? What does it sound like, that voice inside of your head?
Do you even like yourself? I’m wondering, are you self-critical? Or are you ever NOT self-critical? Do you constantly compare yourself to others? Or did your parents compare you to others? Did they constantly compare people?
Our default mode network (DMN) is the part of us that is the voice in our heads. We all have one. When we’ve had experiences of trauma, then that trauma takes over our default mode network. It reruns all the memories. It really wants us to heal. It can get stuck though.
When we are little, if we don’t make sense to our moms, then as a baby our system has to run on cortisol in order to survive. This can burn us out. When a baby is born its amygdala (emotional alarm system) is hard wired to create a state of alarm in order to get...
I’ve been on a vacation, but it didn’t show up on my videos because I worked really hard and planned way in advance so I could have time with my daughter and my new grandbaby. It was a lovely time getting to be there with them.
The thing is, when I was gone, I accidently knocked my hard drive off of the table it was on and it damaged it. I had to send it in to a place to see if they can retrieve the files. Once I got home, I needed to step back into the flow of my work. I found I had this huge heaviness; everything felt too hard, it was just too much. There was a sense of exhaustion and feeling bummed out and rather despondent. I was like, “What’s up with that?”
So, what I did was take a little time to do a process with myself. It took me a while, first I got on the phone and called an old friend and then I didn’t really want to talk. I knew there was something up for me and decided to use my own tools and see what might be...
Having disagreements with other people can be really painful, and there are many different ways it can go. Maybe it’s a surprise that there is a disagreement, but you feel really strong about the situation or circumstance and someone you care about feels different that you do.
Or, maybe what’s happened is you didn’t reach out to someone, it hurt their feelings, and now they are upset with you. Maybe they give you the cold shoulder. Maybe they are fiery hot angry, and they get in your face. What’s that like for you? How do you mend that type of a rupture in relationship when you care about somebody?
Sometimes these experiences can feel so raw to us that we drop the relationship. We might feel like, “I’m done with that. I’m not putting up with that energy ever again.” That can give us a clue that we have somewhere in our past made a contract that we would never do that again. Because, words like never, always, and forever, let us...
You know, we all have an automatic voice in our head that tells us how we feel about ourselves. This part of us is known as our Default Mode Network, or DMN. It turns on and starts running anytime we relax and are not focused on doing something. When we are stressed, what it does is worry all the time, and can get on hyper-mode with its worrying. It can get super intrusive, and it gets harder, and harder, to enjoy our life.
The problem is, when we are stressed, our Default Mode Network thinks that the problem is us. That’s when it’s like a hamster wheel that goes around, and around, and around, and it becomes very, very critical of ourselves. It watches everything we do and analyzes it to prove that we are the problem.
Well, you know, even though our Default Mode Network is deeply shaped by our unconscious contracts that we hold deep within us, it is possible for our DMN to work really well for us. When it is working well, it very easily learns...
Today I want to ask you, when do you feel wrong? Maybe you feel wrong to ever be angry, or maybe you feel wrong to feel afraid. Some of us feel wrong when we collapse when we feel helpless. Then, others feel wrong when they experience alarmed aloneness.
But you know what? You might be surprised to learn that you have a RAGE circuit. Your RAGE circuit is there to help you. Because the RAGE circuit reduces stress and anxiety. It lowers our blood pressure and regulates our nervous system.
It’s our RAGE circuitry that empowers us to be protective and to advocate for whatever might be needed in the moment. I’ll admit, sometimes RAGE or anger can feel really scary. Maybe you experienced RAGE or anger being aimed at people who have less power, and that can be very frightening. It can even be traumatic.
If that’s been your experience than I’m wondering, do you need acknowledgment that RAGE isn’t meant to be used against the people...
I’ve been contemplating something, and I’m curious, what do you do when you are speaking with someone and they don’t give you a response? They may look at you, but there is no change in their facial expression. Or, maybe they look vacantly off into space, but there is no response. It’s as if you haven’t spoken at all.
For me, I consider then, what’s going on for this person? Have they been depressed? Are they having a flat affect because the depression has become very severe? Or have they been filled with anxiety, and their system has been flooded with cortisol and adrenaline and they are flat out wiped out.
But how does this impact your nervous system? What do you do? How do you stay present with the lack of response?
Well, I’ve been on this journey for a while now, and I have discovered that it is possible to keep showing up in our world. It’s possible to keep showing up and staying in relationship, even...
Have you ever forgotten to bring something when you’ve gone to an appointment? I know I have. Yet, there is something different inside our consciousness where we forget, or it’s like a part of us deliberately forgets. But we want to become conscious of it. So, how do we begin to bring what’s unconscious to our consciousness?
I was working with someone the other day and they forgot to bring some of the paperwork that they were planning to bring to be able to get some support around some things. When they realized, and it was acknowledged and pointed out that it wasn’t here, that they didn’t have it, they immediately had a felt sense of deep sadness that went clear into despair. There was a really big reaction to that.
So, we took time to slow down the process right there. Just slowing it down and calling a pause, to uncover what were the shadow beliefs that were underlying that deep sadness and despair. They discovered that they were tapping...
I got to work with somebody who was experiencing a lot of anxiety. Their anxiety had gotten so heightened in them that they were immobilized. They could feel a rumination inside of them where they were worrying, they felt anxious, they acknowledged that something just felt wrong, but they just couldn’t get clear on what it was.
They were on edge, yet there was an immobility that was happening that was keeping them stuck. Keeping them worrying about things but not clear exactly on what was keeping them stuck. They were wondering, “what is wrong with me? Why is this happening?” and their adrenaline kept increasing.
I want to acknowledge that when this happens, if we have anxiety as human beings, we don’t have clarity on which circuitry has been stimulated. We have different circuitry in our system that take care of us. But, the experience of anxiety we can tell the difference if it's because we are scared of something, or if it's because we are...
Life can feel really hard, and it can feel extremely exhausting. I know in my life there have been times when I’m in that place, when I’m that uncomfortable, that it feels like others just won’t understand.
Or, maybe it seems as if I’m being treated different because of my age, or my gender, or my job, or where I’m at. But there is some kind of a judgement that comes, and it feels like people don’t really know me. Or maybe for you it’s like people don’t even know how to have a conversation that’s real, rather than just surface. You can end up feeling sad underneath that, and all alone.
For some of us, when we go down that slippery slope, it’s a balance between falling into a pretty severe depression or feeling a lot of anger. It’s kind of black and white.
As I’ve worked with others, and myself, with this problem where life just feels so hard and so exhausting, what I’ve discovered is...